


We're so Starving

by xXBlue_DaysXx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Barista Harry, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Eventual Smut, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, Liam as Liam, Louis is Afraid of commitment, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Niall as louis roommate, Pining, Sad Louis, Slow Burn, University, Zayn as Harry's Roommate, harry just wants to help, louis has issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:01:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26804788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXBlue_DaysXx/pseuds/xXBlue_DaysXx
Summary: In which Louis has more than a few skeletons in his closet and Harry is the cheeky barista that just might make his world a little brighter.Or the one where Louis struggles with old habits and Harry just wants to help.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 13
Kudos: 47





	1. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so this is my first work! Be warned that this fic will have to do with eating disorders, homophobia and suicidal thoughts. If these things might trigger you please DO NOT READ.  
> -also I am aware that the dorm described in this chapter is super inaccurate to first year uni students but it fit better with the story-

Chapter 1: Change

Track 1: [U2 - Every Breaking Wave](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Bj3qrMbNig)

“Oh darling, I can’t believe you’re leaving Donny already,” Jay said solemnly, balling her hands up in the knitted shawl draped around her cold shoulders. Louis hummed but paid her little mind as he continued to haul his belongings into the trunk of a grey Volkswagen.

“It seems like only yesterday you were playing footy with Lottie in the yard,” she sniffled, faint tears could be seen on her rosy cheeks as Louis turned to face her.

“Mum,” he started softly, placing his hands on her arms, “It’ll be alright okay? You still have Lottie, Fizzy and the twins,” She looked down and nodded as the boy tried to consolidate her, a few of her tears falling to the pavement.

“I just- Are you sure you’re ready?” She questioned, now looking up to meet his eyes, “You could just go to uni in Doncaster-”

“Mum,” Louis interrupted her, “you know that’s not an option,” he sighed, wiping the tears off her cheeks with his thumb. “Not after last year,”

“I-I know,” she nodded to herself, placing her hand over his, “this will be good for you. A change of scenery,” she smiled softly, obviously trying more to convince herself of the notion than Louis.

A moment of silence passed between the two as the wind howled and its cold air rushed over them.

“I should really get going, mum, ” Louis said pulling his hand from her grasp and using it to rub his arms to sooth the prickling goosebumps on his skin, “it's getting cold and late,”

“Yes, I suppose it is” she agreed, opening her arms invitingly. Louis stepped into his mum's embrace, swinging his arms around her, closing his eyes and breathing in her flowery perfume. “I love you, darling. Please call me when you get there,” she mumbled into his chest, not releasing her hold on him.

“You're gonna have to let me go eventually,” the boy laughed faintly as his mum held him closer. He sighed and enjoyed the last moments he had in his mother's arms before she slowly pulled away.

Louis gave her a fond smile and bent down to place a soft peck on her forehead before pulling on the wet car handle and opening the door with a pop. 

“I’ll call you,” he promised, situating himself on the cold and stiff leather seat, “ Don't worry about me. I’m better now,” 

“Oh, you know I’ll always worry. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't?” She questioned as Louis closed the door and fished his keys from his jacket pocket. “I love you,” he could hear her say, faintly muffled by the glass separating them.

He gave her a wide grin in attempts to calm her nerves and held up his hands, touching his pointer fingers and thumbs creating a makeshift heart. He then twisted his car key in its slot and turned on the ignition. No going back now.

The engine started with a low rumble and as he backed out of the driveway where he grew up, a sort of bittersweet feeling hung in his chest. On one hand he was going to miss his family terribly but on the other he was finally going to be free of this town and get to start over again. 

As the car engine sung to the barren country roads, Louis relished in the sound of the roaring winds and the water droplets softly splashing on the car windows. The skies were overhung with a blanket of grey, so much so that he could barely tell the difference between the sky and clouds. England working its wonders again.

A few steady miles in, the rain slowed to only a slight pitter patter on the window every so often. In light of this opportunity, Louis rolled down the glass and held his bare arm out of the cabin catching the fallen droplets on his outstretched fingers. They were small and soft, unlike the aggressive rain of back home. He tilted his fingers upwards and watched the water run downwards like tiny rivers. If this was the way rainy days were here, then Louis decided that he would love to get used to it. With a half smile he retreated his arm and rolled up the window, this way he could hear the steady drumming all the louder as he sped off to Manchester.

\----------

Track 2: [Keane - Everybody's Changing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSNmgE6L8AU)

When his GPS told him that he was close to the university, he turned it off (surely he could find his way from here) and turned up the radio.

  
“So little time,” he hummed to the song as he made a left turn off the main road and onto the campus. He loved the historical stone buildings and the bright green grass that seemed to be everywhere. It was such a contrast to the dreary Doncaster that he was used to. But despite this, he couldn't help but miss his hometown already, the boy really did love his Donny.

After about 3 wrong left turns, Louis realized he was going in a big loop around the residential buildings. He mentally slapped himself for getting lost in the music and decided to pull over and ask one of the students on the sidewalk.

Rolling down his window he called over to a young man who was on his phone by a parking meter, “Hey curly- yes you- Do you know where the West Hall is?” he asked cheekily, he never really had a problem with talking to people.

“Uh, ” the boy replied, “yeah, um it should be round this corner,” he drawled slowly, “the letters are quite big its um, hard to miss,”  
Louis could help but be a little charmed by the slow way he spoke,

“Thanks lad, have a good one,” he said quickly, purposely not allowing himself to think about his attraction and continuing on his way. 

He walked into the hall and picked up his key before making his way up the stairs to his dorm, he let his mind wander to his unknown flatmate. Louis was told that all first years would have one and he honestly didn't have many expectations- as long as the lad was nice and played FIFA, Louis had virtually no complaints.

He trudged his way up dragging his luggage behind him. Breathing heavily as he approached the last step. He probably needed to get back into the gym, Louis thought, as he reached the top of the staircase.

Luckily for him, the dorm was right by the door. It was good mostly because that meant that if there were a fire it would be easy for him to escape but; honestly, Louis was just happy he didn't have to haul his suitcase any further.

He pulled the key from the pocket of his blue joggers and opened the creaky door. Upon first impression, the flat was significantly better than he had been expecting. Opposite the door, was a decent sized window that let in enough natural light that he didn't even bother to turn on the ceiling lights as he let himself in. There was a couch by the window, a small kitchenette by the door and between the two a small table.

Louis made his way to the door furthest from the entrance- so his flatmate would get axed first in the hypothetical instance in which a murderer tries to break- and unloaded his stuff onto his new bed. When he couldn't find any signs of life, he figured that his unknown flatmate hadn't gotten to the dorm yet. It was was strange as Louis himself had gotten there last minute due to his late enrollment. Tomorrow would be the first day of classes and it seemed that his flatmate was nowhere to be seen

Louis decided to distract himself by first calling his mum and easing her nerves and then unpacking his clothes and folding them into his dresser. Next, he pulled out his black PS4 and set it up in the lounge. Looking back into his suitcase, under where his console once sat, he saw his scale. He hadn't thought about it all summer and he didn't even remember packing it. He knew he shouldn't keep it. It held quite awful memories.

Yet, as Louis gazed at the seemingly innocent glass plate, in what could've been a moment of weakness, he turned to the bathroom and placed it by the toilet. He wouldn't let it control his world again. It was a new chapter of his life, a new Louis.

He made his way back to his bed and decided he would turn in early and try to get a good night's rest before his first day of class. But, just as his head was about to hit the pillow, there was a loud bang of someone opening the front door and a distinctly Irish voice saying, “Holy feck this place is bigger than me grans house,”


	2. Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mildly triggering for talk of past eating disorders. If that triggers you please DO NOT READ.

Track:[ Blur - Coffee and TV ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgLDTlzeVNQ)

Louis never really was one for punctuality. A terrible trait, he knows. But, he always found it really hard to get out of his warm sheets in the morning and it definitely didn't help that his new mattress was so pillowy.

He lost track of the times he turned his phone alarm off only to then fall back into his slumber. It wasn’t until his flatmate, Niall, who he had only just met the night before, was knocking down his door that he decided to shake himself from his sleep.

“Hey mate, you decent?” Niall called through the door, “Didn’t you have a class at 8?”

Louis responded with a groan, “yeah, yeah I'm up,” he stepped out of his sheets, picked up the shirt he was wearing yesterday from the floor and pulled it over his head. He dragged his feet to his room door and pulled it open, well aware of how rough he looked from his sleep.

“G’morning, mate,” he greeted, passing right by Niall and into the kitchen with one hand scratching his head and the other rubbing the sand from his eyes.

“You do realize we don't have any food yet,” the Irishman reminded just as Louis was about to open the fridge.

“Shit, you’re right,” Louis responded, leaning on the counter, “I should probably stop by a Tesco on the way back from me lecture. It's too early to function without a cuppa, you know what I mean,”

“Can’t say that I do, mate,” Niall responded, “always been more of a coffee guy myself,” 

Louis, now utterly appalled, mumbled into his hands, “what did I do to the universe to get stuck with you?” 

Niall just laughed it off and gave Louis a pat on the back, “don’t worry about it, drama queen. You’ll warm up to me,”

“Doubtful,” Louis sighed loudly, playing up the drama queen title, “what time is it?”

“Half past 7 I reckon,” The blond boy said before checking his phone, “well more like 7:55,”

“Oh, bollocks,”

Louis almost slipped on the hardwood floors as he rushed to his room. Frantically shoving his books into his bag - Lord knows he didn’t prepare the night before- while simultaneously combing his hair. He rifled through the clothes he’d put away earlier- at least he did something right- and slipped on a pair of loose dark wash jeans and pulled on a maroon jumper over the shirt he was already wearing. He spritzed on a bit of cologne - never know who’ll smell you- and slipped on his white trainers, not bothering to lace them up.

Niall just stood by the doorway, leaning on the frame, watching the situation unfold with slight amusement- they would be good friends he could tell.

“Bye, Neil,” Louis called loudly to his flatmate as he ran out the door.

“It’s Niall,” The boy mumbled but Louis was long gone, nearly throwing himself down the stairs- not that he would’ve listened anyway.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that's how Louis found himself dreadfully late for his 8 am Drama 101 lecture. And by dreadfully late he really meant exceedingly dreadfully late- and on his first day too. 

Louis almost didn’t want to pull the door to the lecture hall open. He knew that the moment he did all eyes would be on him and he’d have to make the long walk of shame to an open seat- assuming there was one- while his professor probably scolded him.

He took a deep breath and got it over with, pulling the handle and walking in. 

Right off the bat, a stocky man at the front of the hall lowered his half-moon glasses and shot Louis a less than amused glare. He looked down to a paper pad in his hands and flipped a few pages.

“Mr. Tomlinson, I presume,”

Louis awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, “Um, yeah,”

“Um, yeah,” the professor parroted, “You do realize, Mr. Tomlinson, that you are over 20 minutes tardy? And on the first day no less. What’s your excuse? Come on, cough it up,”

“I'm sorry professor, I-I were running late cos’ I slept through me alarm,” Louis responded mentally slapping himself for slipping into his common Donny accent- it always happened when he was anxious. 

“This is an English class for god sake, Mr. Tomlinson,” the man boomed, “I do expect you to speak properly,” his professor pinched the bridge of his nose and continued, “You can sit next to Mr. Payne here. Luckily for you this class is not full yet,”

“Sorry,” Louis mumbled once again, his cheeks burning hot with embarrassment, before taking his seat in the front row next to the boy known as Mr. Payne.

Louis sat in his seat looking down at his hands, disappointed in himself for acting a fool in front of the professor. Despite this, the class went quickly and as Louis looked up at the clock he realized there were only 15 minutes left.

In terms of content, the class was quite uneventful, he already knew the majority of the first unit from the courses he took back in college; however, as he sat in his chair, Louis couldn’t help but feel thoroughly uncomfortable. He knew it was irrational but he felt as if everyone in the room was watching him- waiting to see how he fucked up next. He was hyper aware of the way he positioned himself- he didn't want to appear effeminate or anything like that. And he couldn't shake the nagging feeling of his jeans pressing tightly into his hips. He hoped no one could notice his heavy breathing.

He tried- God did he try- not to focus on the hunger he could feel in his stomach from unwillingly skipping breakfast. He tried doodling on his paper and counting seconds left on the clock but he just couldn’t ignore it. And he hated to admit it to himself but, it felt really good and it kept his mind off the anxiety he was feeling. He hated that it did, he’d promised his mother that he wouldn't get bad again.

Louis decided, in that moment, that the second the bell rang, he’d find the first place available where could to eat something. He didn't need his past disorder for comfort or control anymore, he was better. And besides he was in a new place with new faces, there was nothing dragging him down- he had no reason to fall into old habits.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first place, it turned out, was a modest little café joint just outside of his lecture hall. It was quaint really, the interior was warmly decorated and the sheer curtains on the windows caused the place to be painted in a soft golden glow. It smelled of freshly baked goods and coffee and It instantly put Louis at ease- though he would have preferred the smell of tea.

He took a relaxing breath and shuffled up to the counter, waiting for the barista, who was pulling a tray of muffins from the oven, to turn around. 

“One moment, sir,” the man said slowly as he crouched down to place the muffins in a glass display case.

Louis just hummed in recognition and waited. Letting his eyes wander about the scones and brownies in the other display case.

“Okay,” the man said, smoothing his apron down and standing up straight, turning to look at Louis. There was something oddly familiar in his green eyes and Louis couldn't quite place it. 

“Sir?” the curly haired barista prodded, raising an eyebrow. 

“Right, sorry,” Louis shook himself out of his trance, “It’s just, do I know you from somewhere?”

“Yeah, you, uh, asked me for directions the other day,” he said softly. And Louis tried to ignore how much he loved his deep voice instead opting to respond.

“Right, right, thanks for that by the way. Lifesaver,” the boy only nodded in response, “I know this seems like a coffee place,” Louis continued, “but you wouldn't happen to have yorkshire would you?”

“Yeah of course we do. How would you like it?” The boy asked, smiling and turning to fill a travel cup with hot water and a tea bag.

“Just with milk please, no sugar” Louis responded but backtracked as he saw the barista pick up a jug of whole milk, “Could I, uh, get almond milk instead, please?” he asked nervously and the man just nodded and switched the jug out for a cartridge of almond milk. 

Louis tried not to let his actions get in his head too much but he knew exactly what was going on. He was beginning to relapse. It had been months since he last had his tea with almond milk and though that was better than when he would just have his tea black or not have it at all, he still bloody hated almond milk and only chose it because it had less calories. 

He decided to counteract this decision by asking for a nice looking blueberry scone as well.

“That’ll be 2 quid. Would you like to pay in cash or credit?”

“Um, cash,” Louis said, handing the barista the bills.

The man handed Louis his food and drink and he noticed the name tag pinned on his apron that he hadn’t seen before.

“Thank you, Harry,” The brunette said, turning to walk away, not seeing Harry’s reaction to Louis using his name.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Once his last lecture of the day had ended, Louis decided to walk to a Tesco, like he said he would that morning. It was a little far from the math and science lecture halls (where he had his last class) but Louis figured he needed the exercise anyway. After all, he's going to have to climb all those steps every day just to get to his dorm. He might as well do it efficiently. 

He walked through the sliding doors of the bright supermarket and picked up one of those little baskets that sort of hurt your fingers to hold when they get heavy (you know the ones). And started down the aisles, not bothering to check what they were for- he figured he'd just go through all of them and pick up what he thought he needed from each one. 

He decided that he would get enough for two people for at least a week or so. He didn't want to be one of those flatmates that kept everything to himself and fought over food. Like yeah if Niall eats his Coco Puffs then they’re gonna have some big problems but, honestly, Louis had no trouble buying groceries for the both of them. 

He started in the frozen foods section, getting a frozen bag of chicken wings figuring Niall ate like any typical teenage boy. He threw in a pint of chocolate ice cream because why not and picked up a few microwave popcorn bags for movie nights. He made his way to the vegetables but let's be honest, Louis couldn't cook for shit. Yet, he picked up some potatoes, mushrooms and tomatoes for fry ups- which he actually could make to an extent. He picked up a cartridge of eggs, butter, a loaf of probably not the most healthy bread, a jug of milk and a six pack of Budweiser (you know, the essentials). He also got a few packets of crisps and instant ramen (like a good uni student). 

Almost as an afterthought, Louis picked up a pack of paper plates, plastic knives and cups as he was sure the flat didn't have any proper silverware. As he looked at all the food in his basket he couldn’t help but think about the last time he went grocery shopping alone. 

It had been about two years ago he reckoned, at one of his lowest points where he was so out of it he honestly didn’t know what he was doing. He was having some sort of nervous break and he snuck out of his mums place, went to the nearest corner shop and practically bought them out of all their rubbish food only to spend over half an hour puking it back up in an ally somewhere. His actions were so erratic that night and they scared him so bad that he ended up not eating anything for the next three days in fear of losing control again. 

Louis shook himself from the memory and paid for his food at the check out. He had tried desperately to forget that night, drowning himself in alcohol until he realized how many calories it had. Now he had more or less come to terms with his past. His mum never did know the whole story, she still doesn’t know the whole story but she knew enough to where she could hold him accountable. And so he got better and got over it, he figured. 

With the bags of groceries in his arms, Louis knocked on the door with his elbow and waited for Niall to open up.

“Lou? That you?” Niall called through the door 

“Yes, you twat, now open up before I drop the eggs. This shit is fucking heavy, ”

Niall quickly turned the handle and took the plastic bag from Louis left hand and helped him unpack it into the fridge. 

“Chicken wings nice,” Niall smiled easily, “Do you want me to pay you back, mate,”

“Nah, it’s fine. But you’re paying next time,” Louis responded patting Niall on the back, “care for some FIFA?”

“Sure but only if you can handle me destroying you. Not gonna go easy just 'cause you have a sweet face,” Niall said patting Louis on the cheek.

“You bastard,” Louis laughed playfully shoving him away, “I’d sooner lick a toilet seat than let you beat me at FIFA,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter. I don't know how often I'll be updating but Ive got like 15 chapters planned so its gonna be a long one.


	3. Not gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ones a bit of a filler but don't worry harry will be more present in future chapters.
> 
> TW/ Slight Homophobia

It had been a few weeks since the start of the semester and Louis was feeling pretty good about himself. His classes were going smoothly, he hadn't been late to another lecture, him and Niall were getting on like a house on fire (just don't tell Niall that, he’ll get a big head), he returned to the Tesco and finally got a box Yorkshire (he couldn’t believe he’d forgotten it before) and he even had his eyes set on a nice girl he met in his calculus course.

Yeah, things were going pretty well for Louis. That was until Niall decided, one Friday after a hefty set of exams (which Louis found incredibly rude to give so early in the semester), that he and Louis should go out. 

Now, Louis was no stranger to a good time. Back in Doncaster there was a point when he went out almost every night, all night, with his mate, Stan. But that was a long time ago, a lot had changed and to say Louis was weary to get back into it would be an understatement.

He voiced his concerns and so they decided that they’d take it easy and instead just go for a couple pints at a bar and watch some footie and that sounded pretty damn good to Louis. 

So that’s where they found themselves at the moment, walking to a pub before the sun set. There was supposed to be a Man U game that night so Louis and Niall were heading out early to try and get a seat at the bar. 

They rounded the corner to a small place that didn’t look too packed so they walked up and took a seat at the wooden bar. 

“You got any Stout?” Niall questioned the second his arse touched the stool.

“Yeah, course,” a very handsome man (hey Louis could appreciate a good looking bloke, it didn’t mean anything) with dark hair and honey eyes responded.

“Zayn?” Niall exclaimed as the bartender looked up, “does this mean that I can get a friend discount?”

“Jesus,” the man, Zayn, sighed over dramatically, “as if I didn’t get enough of you in class, now you gotta follow me around too?” 

“You don’t mean that, Zaynie” Niall smiled with a wink and turned to Louis, whispering, “he doesn’t mean that”

“No I don’t,” Zayn admitted with a smile, “you’re a delight, Niall,”

“You bet your beautiful arse I am, ”

“And you are?” Louis was so tuned out of the conversation he almost missed the question directed at him. 

“Oh, I'm Louis. Pleasure,” Louis said shaking the man's hand over the counter, “Nialls me flatmate,”

“My condolences,” Zayn said bowing his head while Niall pouted, “What can I get ya?”

“As long as it's less than 2 quid, I don't care, lad,” Louis said. He might sound cheap but he wasn't about to pay more than that for a pint (he had standards).

Zayn nodded, filled up a pint and slid it over, “Who you lads rooting for?”

“Man U,” Niall and Louis said at the same time.

Zayn laughed, “course you are. Me too,”

“They're gonna smash it. Always do,” Louis said with pride. Man U was one of his favourite clubs, just below his tried and true, Doncaster Rovers. At one point in time, Louis even wanted to play football professionally and he was actually quite good but he fell so far off the wagon in college that he really never stood a chance.

As the night went on, more and more people packed themselves into the modest bar (Louis actually thought they were going over what was recommended for fire safety) and Louis spent the time downing pint after pint.

“You might wanna slow down, mate. You’re going a little fast,” Niall said good naturedly though his words were laced with concern for his new friend.

“Yeah, yeah i'm good,” Louis said, slurring his words, “I just need a bit of fresh air,” And with that Louis got off the stool and made his way outside, a bit of a wobble in his step. Niall didn’t try to stop him, though he and Zayn shared a worried look.

Louis wasn’t sure exactly how long he’d been outside for. Maybe ten minutes maybe fifteen. He was on his second cigarette when a tall guy with mousy hair came up to him (or at least Louis thought he was tall, he himself was so short that it was hard to tell). He leaned his back on the brick wall that Louis was standing by. 

“Haven't seen you around here before, I’m Milo” Louis wasn't expecting the deep geordie accent. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, it sent a shiver down his spine.

“Louis. And I haven't been 'round before,” he sent the man a coy smile.

Louis took another few drags from his cig before snubbing it out on the concrete. He turned around and started walking back into the bar. Though, as he passed the man he lost his footing and fell against the wall.

“Hey, hey easy there, sunshine,” Milo said, his hands on Louis hips, steadying him. 

Louis took a shaky breath and tried desperately not to think about how good the man's hands felt on his body (though it was increasingly difficult with all the alcohol thrumming through his veins). He looked up at him and let out a surprised gasp at how close their faces were. Milo’s brown eyes looked so warm and inviting and Louis found himself getting lost in them.

Milo didn't seem to mind and he looked just as intensely right back at the blue eyed boy. He snuck his hand up from Louis' waist and into his soft hair, looking down at his lips.

“Can I?”

Louis’ brain wanted to say no but he couldn't help himself from leaning into the man's touch and nodding his head.

Milo's lips were warm and gentle and Louis couldn't get enough of them. He was so intoxicated that he had practically tuned his brain out to the fact that he was snogging a guy. 

The kiss got more heated as Milo skimmed his lips with his tongue, asking for entrance. Louis complied and Milo pushed him up against the wall, kissing him deeply and urgently. His hands squeezed at Louis' hips and he let out an involuntary sound into the kiss. 

Louis was getting lost in the sensation until he heard Niall shout from around the corner, voice rapidly approaching, “Lou? You out here, mate? It’s been half an hour”

Louis sprang into action, pushing Milo off him and stepping away from the wall, “Yeah, one second, Niall, ” he called, rearranging his hair to make it look a little less like he was just snogged senseless. 

As he smoothed himself out and got ready to go back inside, he caught Milo’s confused eyes.

“I’m sorry- I just- this was a mistake,” Louis tripped over his words frantically trying to justify his actions, “I'm not- you know,”

“Yeah sure, mate,” Milo said, unimpressed, “The longer you stay in the closet the harder it is. I’d know, ” he finished before walking away.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Louis called after him but Milo just kept walking, “I’m not a queer!” he yelled, “I’m just not,” he said the last part quieter to no one but himself.

As Niall and Louis made their way back to their flat, Louis couldn't stop thinking about Milo. About how good his big hands felt, about how he loved when the tall man loomed over him. He hated it.

Because Louis was many things but he was not gay. Or at least he desperately didn't want to be


	4. It Couldn't Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has disordered eating and internalized homophobia. DO NOT READ IF THIS MAY TRIGGER YOU.

Louis fell straight into a deep sleep the second his head hit the pillow. Maybe because he was wasted or maybe because his brain was trying to shut down the invasive thoughts prompted by the events from earlier that evening. Either way Louis was thankful.

The morning came quick and Louis found himself staring out at the soft dawn glow outside through the window by his bed. It was only six and in Louis' mind that was much too early to be contemplating life on a Saturday but he just couldn't help it. It was like he was in that dark place again. He couldn't stop his mind from thinking about that man from the night before and how right it felt. 

He hadn't kissed a guy since his last year of secondary school and that mistake royally fucked up his life. He wasn't going back down that path and besides he was straight. Obviously.

To keep his mind off his dilemma, Louis decided that now would be the perfect time to go for a run- before the sun fully came up. Back in sixth form he used to work himself to death running in the early mornings- before his family woke up. Though, this time Louis was determined to do it right, to be healthy.

He laced up his trainers- a nice pair of adidas- slipped on a sweatshirt and trackies because though he was going to run, it was still September and it was fucking cold. As he walked into the lounge he could hear Niall’s loud snoring reverberating through the walls. So thats that then, Louis supposed he wouldn't be asking him to tag along. 

He quickly patted himself down making sure he had his phone, wallet and keys, slipped on a beanie and he was out the door.

The way to the school's track was calm and Louis decided that he'd conserve his energy and walk his way up. He was hoping that the footy team wasn't practicing that morning so he'd have the place to himself but if they were practicing he'd just go to the indoor athletics centre by some of the residential halls.

The early morning fog made it so Louis couldn't see the end of the track though, from the looks of it, he was the only one out there. He allowed himself a smile and took his headphones out of his pocket, turning on some Kings of Leon song

Track: [ Kings Of Leon - Charmer ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCd1vXsvkV4)

After some stretching, Louis began running his laps. The first few were easy and he found himself enjoying the cold wind on his face and the exhilarating feeling of his feet flying down the track. Back when he played footy he was normally a midfielder mostly because he was so fast and scrappy. 

He started getting tired about 4 laps in. That was quicker than he normally would and his mind scolded him for being so lazy lately. Determined to get a couple more laps in, he picked up his pace.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey woah!” Harry called, “slow down”

But it seemed the boy flying down the track was lost in his music and didn't notice him. Harry put down his athletic bag by the edge of the track and tried to catch up. He recognised the small boys beanie and hoped he was the same guy who stopped by the coffee shop a few weeks ago.

He couldn't stop thinking about that boy. His shining blue eyes, his light raspy voice, his clear skin and feathery hair. Harry couldn't get him out of his head.

He was going quite fast and even Harry, who came to the track every other morning, had a hard time catching him.

“Hey!” he said again tapping the boy on the shoulder.

He turned with a comical look of surprise and pulled out his earbuds, slowing to a jog.

“Hi, uh curly from the cafe? Harry right?” the boy huffed out, the words making a small cloud in the cold air.

“Yeah, yeah you remembered,” Harry let out an awkward laugh, he could feel his cheeks flushing, he hoped the boy would just think it was from the cold. “I never did get your name”

“Louis,” he said quickly, “its uh Louis”

“Louis,” Harry said, trying the name out on his tongue. “Nice name that. It's what, French?”

“I think so. Not sure really I'm bout as British as fish n chips,” Louis said with a glance to Harry, still keeping up his jog.

They ran in silence for a while, Harry purposely taking shorter strides to mirror louis. He tried to discreetly glance at the boy while they exercised finding the way he shook his head a little as he ran very endearing. He also noticed Louis glancing at him every once in a while, a blush on his cheeks, though Harry pretended not to notice.

“I haven't seen you up here before,” Harry said finally. There was the possibility that Louis ran on the days that Harry didn't though the Spartans football team usually had the track those days.

“Yeah, I haven't been up here before. Just needed a” Louis took a breath, “a break I guess,”

“School stress?” Harry asked, Louis hummed

“Something like that” 

On his sixth lap Harry noticed Louis slowing down and breathing heavily though he seemed determined to keep trekking on.

“Hey Lou,” Harry called, slipping into the nickname easily, “ Do you want to maybe get breakfast with me?” he hoped he wasn't overstepping but he was just about done with his workout and really wanted to stay with Louis.

“I uh” Louis said, stopping completely now “I would love to but I think I should take a shower, smell a bit ripe,” He stopped for a second, “How bout lunch? I could bring me flatmate Niall. If I dont get him out lord knows he’ll stay in bed all weekend”

“Yea, that would be great,” Harry tried not to sound disappointed. Maybe he read it wrong and Louis wasn't into men though he did find that kind of unlikely. “How about you and Niall come over to my dorm at two? My flatmate also needs to get out more”

“Yeah yeah ok,” Harry tried to ignore the nervous shake in Louis' voice he hoped he wasn't intruding or making him uncomfortable. He offered him a kind smile and they both made their way down towards the residential halls.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To say Louis was freaking out would be an understatement. When he got to his dorm he went to take a shower and all he could think about as he soaped up his hair was Harry's beautiful green eyes and captivating deep voice. He felt so dirty for it and he didn't even understand why he was thinking that way. He had only just forgotten about Milo from the other night and now the only thing on his mind was Harry. It was like the universe was out to get him.

He hated that he felt this way but he also didn't know what to do about it. He didn't understand why he couldn't just fantasize about that girl, Eleanor, from his calculus class. He didn't understand why he couldn't just be bloody normal for once.

“Stop it,” he said under his breath, pointing at his reflection in the mirror, “Stop being such a fucking freak,”

“Hey Louis, mate, you alright” came the familiar irish accent through the door “you've been in there over an hour”

“Yeah Neil, I'm fine, I'll be out in a minute,” Louis said, still criticizing himself in the mirror.

“Its Niall,” came the response before Louis could hear him shuffling away from the bathroom.

Louis ran his hands down his face. He felt so stressed and out of control with his thoughts. He didn't want to be this way but he just didn't know what he could do. He couldn't just turn his brain off. 

In the mirror's reflection Louis could see his scale sitting innocently by the toilet. And he tried to look away- believe him, he tried- but in a moment of weakness he stripped his towel off and stepped on the mechanism.

Looking back, he really didn't know why he did it. As he watched the numbers climb it just made him feel even worse than before. He was a kilo over his past heaviest weight and he could feel his heart drop as he saw the number stabilize. Rationally he knew that he shouldn't be upset about it, he's recovering and he's at a healthy weight but he couldn't help the little voice in his head telling him that he could do better.

He hadn't eaten yet that day and he could feel the slight hunger pains in his stomach, it comforted him in a way. He deserved it.

He took a deep breath and re-tied the towel around his waist, leaving the bathroom. He knows that he should feel guilty for resorting to his old ways, his mum would be so disappointed. Yet, he just didn't have it in him to care- his mum wasn't there now was she? What she doesnt know won't hurt her.

He decided to wear the same light blue jeans that he wore to the bar the other night, now acutely aware of the way the buttons dug into his hips, and a warm beige jumper. He gave himself a once over and, determining that he looked decent, walked into the lounge, Niall already on the couch in a knitted polo and trackies.

“Finally” Niall sighed, getting up, “One minute my arse. Come on I reckon were late already,”

Harry and his flatmate lived in the halls a few buildings away from Louis and Niall but not far enough that they had to walk in the cold for too long.

Once they got to the dorm it was half past 2 and Niall was voicing his concern that now their new friends would think they’re lazy. Louis didn't see the problem, better Harry realized how much of a disappointment he was early on.

Niall gave the door a light knock and a few seconds later the very handsome bartender from the other night pulled it open.

“Oh god, not you lot again,” Zayn smiled humorously, “I got enough of you two last night,”

“Very funny” Niall rubbed his forehead, “Sorry Zayn, I think we have the wrong address,”

“Well maybe not. Harry did say he invited some mates over for lunch,” Zayn said, “He never clarified though I suppose. Here come in,” Zayn pushed the door open all the way and ushered the boys inside.

Louis noticed that the room was small and not too different from his own dorm though Zayn and Harry definitely decorated it much nicer. The couch had some colorful throw pillows and the walls were covered in framed comic book-esq drawings.

“Hey Lou!” came Harry's low voice, he was standing by the kitchenette, “I'm guessing this is Niall, right? I’m Harry Styles” He said making his way over and giving Niall a handshake. 

“Yeah uh sorry we’re late Louis decided to spend two hours staring at himself in the mirror” Niall laughed reeling from the handshake “i'm just glad we made it in time for the free food”

Louis looked to the ground, he could feel his cheeks darkening, why would Niall say that? Now Harry definitely thought he was weird, if he didn't already.

“Well, can't really blame him” Harry smiled easily, “I would spend hours looking at myself if I looked like Lou” The group let out a chuckle but Louis just stared at Harry. His face flushed redder than it had been before. He's aware that he's good looking; he just didn't expect Harry to make such a bold statement. And though he was good looking, he wasn't nearly as perfect as Harry or so he believed.

“Lay off it, Haz,” Zayn cut in, “you're embarrassing the poor boy”

In that second, Louis never wished the ground would swallow him up more. The room got uncomfortably silent for a moment until the oven made a loud beeping sound.

“Look” Harry said, cutting the tension, “it's done! I made a bolognese bake,” he wrapped his hands in a mit and opened the oven, taking the square pan out and placing it on the counter. “I know It's more of a dinner food but I figured I’d be nice to have something warm cause its so cold outside”

“Yes!” Niall exclaimed, “Styles, a man after my own heart,” He went over and draped his arm dramatically over Harry's shoulder, “Linner is the new brunch I always say,”

“You've literally never said that to me once” Louis flashed an awkward smile, trying to use humor to hide his obvious discomfort. He hadn't had pasta in a while and all he could think about was how many carbs it had. Though he hadn't eaten anything yet that day, pasta definitely wouldn't help him lose the weight that he could feel suffocating him. 

Harry pulled out four plates from the cupboard and stacked them by the pasta, “take what you want, I’ll get the placemats” 

Niall was first to serve himself, a big scoop of pasta. Louis never did understand how that boy ate so much, he was like a bottomless pit. Then, Zayn gave himself a good sized helping and it was just Louis left. He knew how this type of thing went. If he got a small amount Niall would probably question him as he'd been eating pretty fruitfully in the weeks that they've known each other. Then again if he got a normal amount he would be expected to eat it all or Harry might feel like his food isn't good. He didn't see a way out of this so he just decided to get a normal amount. Maybe he'd find a way to hide some so he didn't have to eat it all.

Once they sat down, lunch was full of lively conversations, mostly Niall rambling, and Louis found it easy to discreetly move food into his napkin. Whenever Harry looked at him Louis made sure that he saw him take a bite of pasta so he didn't seem so suspicious. Soon enough their plates were clean and Louis offered to take them to the sink. He threw out his food filled napkin on the way back and it felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He had somehow gotten through lunch only eating half of his portion.

“Hey Lou I was just asking Niall if you guys would like to stay to watch a movie” Harry asked him as he sat back down at the table. “We could watch Love Actually,”

“No, no fuck no were not watching that shit again,” Zayn cut in, “I swear to god I’ve been baited into watching that movie at least a hundred times since I moved in with this guy,”

Harry pouted and Louis tried not to focus on how adorable he looked, “fine we’ll watch Transformers” He said in a deflated voice, getting up to turn on the telly.

They all settled on the small couch. Niall on the edge, Zayn next to him, then Harry and Louis on the other end. Louis wasn't really paying much attention to the movie, focusing on suppressing the itch in his throat that made him want to rush to the nearest bathroom and purge all that pasta he’d eaten. Though, he did notice Harry moving his arm to rest behind his head, like the love interest always does to the protagonist in those soapy romance movies. 

“God, Megan Fox is so fucking hot” Niall said, eyes glued to the screen

“I'll give you that one mate, I'd tap that” Zayn quipped in

“Yea, she's so sexy” Louis tried hoping that he didn't sound too awkward. He could feel Harry snake his arm down from behind his shoulders back into his own lap. Louis was about to give him a questioning glance, he had quite liked Harry's arm there when Niall cut in,

“How bout you Harry? Brunettes not your type?”

“No, no I love brunettes just not,” he let out an awkward cough, “erm, girls. I guess,”

So Harry was gay or at least he didn't fancy chicks. Louis didn't really know how to handle this information, he’d never met an out gay guy before (Well he'd met Milo- but not really- more like he snogged Milo and bolted). It sort of piqued his curiosity, he wondered if Harry had gone through the same turmoil that he was going through. He was conflicted because being gay was so wrong but at the same time how could it be if that's what harry was. Kind, gentle, perfect Harry.

Louis slept uneasily that night thinking about the emerald eyed boy, questioning his own position and, though he didn't like to admit it, feeling proud that he'd eaten so little that day and could still feel the strong hunger pains as he layed in bed.


	5. I like him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this chapter is a bit of a mess. TW/ disordered behavior and mentions of panic attacks

Track: [Hozier - Like Real People Do](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrleydRwWms)

Harry knows he's a bit dramatic. The second he got back to his dorm from an exhilarating afternoon of Mario Kart with Louis he slid to the floor with his back against the front door, releasing a fond sigh. He's only known Louis for three months but it honestly feels like he's known him forever and he's well aware of how cliche that sounds. He's just a hopeless romantic at heart and if cheesy rom coms have taught him anything it's that it really takes no time at all to fall head over heels for someone.

“I think I'm in love” he said dreamily to no one in particular.

“Shut up. No you're not.” Zayn responded from his perch in the lounge.

“But I could be” Zayn shot him an incredulous look,

“Babe, you don't even know what love is” 

“Fine, maybe not love but I really do like him” Harry said getting up and sitting next to Zayn on the couch, “it just feels like i've known him all my life,”

“You’re fucking insane, mate, really,” Zayn said, allowing Harry to curl into his side, “If you like him so much then why haven't you made a move?”

“I just” Harry started, “he's straight. You saw him with Eleanor last week,”

Last week Niall and Louis hosted a party at their dorm. It wasn't really Harrys scene, too many chavs and too much beer; though, he went anyway to see Louis. Only when he arrived, quite a bit late, the first thing he saw was Louis and Eleanor- she was in his english literature course- snogging like there's no tomorrow against the kitchenette. She was on the counter, Louis between her legs and their hands were roaming all over each other. In that moment Harry felt his heart drop and Zayn, being the amazing friend that he was, wordlessly turned him around and they left. Of course, Harry had no real reason to be upset, realistically, he knew Louis was straight- from the way he talked about girls with the boys- he just desperately didn't want to believe it.

“He could be bi” Zayn said petting his hair lightly, “you never know”

“Yeah, but I just don't want to screw up what we got going”

“Look, mate, i'm gonna be frank,” Zayn started, in that same soft tone, “you gotta tell him. It's obvious you're gone for the guy and the longer you hold off the more it’s just gonna hurt”

Harry let out a sad sigh, “yeah you're right...I know you are”

“I always am”

“Cheeky. I suppose I could tell him after our run tomorrow”

“I think that's perfect, love. It’ll be fine, trust me,” Zayn finished kindly, giving Harry one last squeeze before making his way to his room, to presumably paint in solitude until bedtime.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a rather chilly Monday morning, normally the time that Louis met up with Harry for a run before their lectures. Only Louis felt as though he was pinned to his bed. He was uncharacteristically tired but, despite this, he couldn't coax himself back to sleep. He checked the time and noticed that he was already ten minutes late for his run. With all his effort he pulled the duvet off his shrinking body and tried to get up. When he stood, he could see spots behind his eyes and needed to use his nightstand for support to keep himself from collapsing.

Louis supposed he should've seen it coming. He's lost a little over two stone the past few months and he hadn't eaten anything at all for the last three days. He fell back onto his bed, feeling faint and a little scared honestly, he was losing weight faster than he ever had when he was sixteen. Without his mum around to shove food down his throat and with Niall so preoccupied with his classes it was easy to avoid eating. 

He didn't want to let Harry down but he honestly couldn't muster up the energy to leave his room. He wasn't going to lie, he was terrified. He truly hadn't meant for it to go this far but watching the numbers on the scale continuously drop was just as addicting as he remembered. He knew that this wasn't good but he had been making so much progress that he didn't know if he could even force himself to eat something. 

After a while, he heard Niall shuffling out of his room and he figured that if he wanted to be able to get to his classes he really had no choice but to eat.

“Nialler” he called, making an effort to sit up.

“Lou?” Niall said walking into his room, “shouldn't you be on your run”

“Yeah I uh,” he started, hoping Niall couldn't notice the shake in his voice, “I don't feel so good”

“Oh?” Niall shuffled closer and pressed the back of his hand softly against Louis’ forehead, “You don't feel like you have a temperature”

Louis could feel his cheeks darken, “yeah, I just feel a bit dizzy, I guess. I'll feel better once I have some breakfast I think”

“Okay come on then,” Niall said gesturing to the kitchen, “I could make a fry up. Whadya think?”

He wanted to ask Niall to just bring him some cereal but he didn't want to seem lazy or something so he tried to walk to the door, he really tried, but he could feel his body struggling to take each step. He braced himself against the door frame and decided, fuck embarrassment.

“Niall could you just bring me some cereal or somat I'm feeling quite nauseous” He said gripping the door frame and trying to get his vision to stop spotting.

“Yea” Niall said quietly looking over at his flatmate with a great deal of concern, “Why don't you go back to your bed i'll bring a bowl of coco pops”

Now, Niall wasn't clueless. He noticed how Louis had been going out with him less, how he spent a lot of his time holed up in his room, how he seemed to be getting smaller every week and honestly, Niall was quite worried. His best guess was that his friend was depressed but, he wasn't really sure how to confront him about it. He figured the best he could do was let him know that he was there for him.

Louis actually did feel a lot better after eating though, he found the feeling of it digesting quite uncomfortable. Now don't get it wrong, it wasn't that he didn't like food he loved food, really. He was just so addicted to the starvation, he supposed.

The rest of his day went by pretty uneventfully. He started feeling dizzy again after his theatre class so he decided to stop by that cafe by the lecture hall- without thinking that that's where Harry worked.

The past months of hanging out with Harry really solidified Louis' attraction and every time he looked at the boy he could feel the familiar warmth of being hooked on someone. He knew that feeling all too well but the last time he let himself fall for a guy he lost all his friends and almost his life.

He walked into the quant shop and to his dread he saw Harry with his back to the door seemingly enthralled by some conversation he was having on the phone.

“he didn't show. I think that's the universe telling me I shouldn't bother”

Louis awkwardly creeped his way to the counter. He wasn't sure if he should tap Harry on the shoulder or something to get his attention or if he should just let him finish talking to whoever he was talking to. He was on the job so technically he shouldn't even be on the phone despite the emptiness of the cafe.

It seemed that he didn't need to make that decision as just then Harry hung up saying something like “yeah, I think you're right, no point in pining...i'll see you later”. He turned, his crumpled face brightening at the sight of the boy in front of him.

“Lou! What are you doing here?” He said all smiles.

“It’s a cafe and i'm hungry, so” Louis said in his usual sassy tone.

“Right” Harry said, his face reddening “Right, obviously yeah. It’s a cafe,”

“Could I just get a cuppa?” Louis tried to break the tension.

“Yorkshire and almond milk, right?”

“Yeah” Louis responded, trying not to gag. He was conflicted because he had given up his usual cup of Yorkshire a day for plain water but he didn't want to have some sort of fainting spell so he convinced himself that some tea wouldn't hurt.

As Harry put the water to boil he decided to ask about Louis' disappearance that morning.

“It really was an accident, I swear,” Louis forced a humorous smile, “Slept completely through me alarm,” He felt bad about lying to Harry but what was he supposed to say? Sorry mate, I haven't eaten for three days and just didn't have the energy?

“Oh?” Harry didn't seem convinced but Louis decided to ignore it. “Is it alright if I sit and have my lunch while you drink? Business is a bit slow today as you can see,” Harry asked, gesturing to the empty space.

“Yeah, course” Louis responded, taking his cup from Harry's hand and making his way over to the booth by the window, Harry following in toe with a curious looking brown paper bag.

They ate in silence for a while, Harry gazing out the window and Louis staring at Harry. He’d been thinking long and hard about his attraction lately especially after the fiasco of the other week.

He and Niall had hosted a party and Louis decided to invite Eleanor- he figured that if he couldn't fall for the pretty girl then he should just give up and accept that he was queer. After a few shots of liquid courage both he and El were quite tipsy and he decided to make his move. Kissing her was ok, her lips were soft and her hair smelled good but he didn't really feel anything spectacular. It was fine until she started pulling him towards his bedroom. She was obviously very into it but Louis really wasn't- kissing her was one thing but the prospect of fooling around caused him to feel nauseous and a little panicky. He shut down Eleanor’s advancements so she went home, disappointed that he’d rejected her, and sure, he felt bad about it but for the most part he was relieved that he didn't have to go to third base with her. Really, that confirmed everything for Louis. He liked Harry and despite what his peers ingrained in him during sixth form, maybe liking Harry wasn't so bad.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Feeling elated from his time with Harry, Louis decided fuck it- he wanted to tell Niall about his fondness for the curly haired lad. He figured that if he couldn't just ignore his feelings that he would just accept them and ,if Niall wasn't ok with that, then he should find a new flatmate before his confidence crumpled and he was thrown back into the hole of self-deprecation.

“Hey Lou,” Niall said from his spot on the couch as Louis entered the room “you done with classes?”

“Yeah, uh Niall i'm gonna be blunt” Louis started taking a deep breath and a seat next to the Irish lad, “I want to tell you something and I-I know its weird and I don't want you to think differently of me, please and I-I” he could feel himself losing confidence- this wasn't how it was supposed to go “If you don't want to hang out with me anymore once I tell you that's ok, I understand-”

“Lou” Niall cut him off, holding Louis shoulders still, “Lou, Louis calm down, mate. Whatever it is you can tell me ok,”

“I-” Louis started, “fuck, this was easier in my head,” Louis held his head in his hands trying to keep himself from crying like a child, “I’m,” he had never gotten the words out before and it felt as though his throat was closing up. “I’m queer,” he finally said so quietly he wasn't even sure if Niall had heard him or if he had actually said it at all.

He could hear Niall talking but it was as though his ears were underwater. He could feel a panic attack coming and he was focussing all his energy on keeping calm.

“Louis? Louis, hey” Niall tried shaking Louis shoulders to get his attention, “Did you hear anything I just said, mate?” he asked kindly.

“I get it if you hate me now,” Louis could feel the tears, now flowing freely down his cheeks, “I- I get it if you want a new roommate. I'm such a freak I’m so sorry, I’m sorry” he repeated, his hands reaching into his hair to pull at the follicles, “I'm sorry,”

“Hey, hey stop that” Niall gently pulled his hands from his hair, “I told you it's fine, Its ok Louis you're my friend just the same,”

“Really?” Louis looked hopefully to his flatmate, “You're not having me on?”

“No, of course not, mate”

“I like Harry” He confessed shakily, looking at Niall through his teary eyelashes. Might as well get it all out there.

“I know Lou, I know” Niall responded, slinging his arm around the smaller boy, ignoring how sharp his shoulder felt.

“God, I’m pathetic aren't I?” Louis wiped his tears, “I was just gonna walk in and tell ya ‘I'm a flaming queer’, leave it at that but here I am a bloody fucking mess”

“Yeah, well I would have expected nothing less” Niall let out a chuckle, trying to brighten the mood.

“Shaddup”

The only problem was that, unbeknownst to Louis, Harry had decided earlier that evening that he should give up on his unrequited crush as much as that disappointed him. After talking with Zayn on the phone and recognizing the universes obvious disapproval, he decided that he'd try and go out with Chris from his law course (who had conveniently asked him out that morning). He was certainly no Louis but maybe that was okay.


	6. Drowning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has descriptions of binging and purging but its not graphic, general ED behavior and thoughts and mild internalized homophobia so if that may trigger you please do not read.

Track: [ Pink Floyd - Breathe (In The Air) ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vddl9TK5RqU)

Chris was okay, Harry had decided. He was relatively good looking, tall and nice-ish, he supposed, though he didn't have a very good sense of humor. It had been three weeks since Harry started seeing Chris and he'd been trying desperately to convince himself that he liked him. He really had tried and there was nothing wrong with Chris, he was an okay lad and he really did seem to like Harry but, he just wasn't Louis. He didn't have Louis’ brilliant personality or sarcastic tone, his gentle hands or kind eyes. 

So, Harry decided that it was time to end their little “relationship”, if it could even be called that. Chris hadn’t asked him to be his boyfriend- yet - and Harry intended to keep it that way. It just wasn't right to keep trailing him on when he really didn't reciprocate his feelings. Luckily, they had a sort of at-home date night planned for that evening and Harry decided that he'd tell him then. No use in prolonging the inevitable and just getting the poor sods' hopes up.

Now, the problem was that Harry was too nice for his own good. He was the kind of person who, if he ordered fish and chips at a restaurant and they brought him spaghetti, wouldn't say a word and just eat the spaghetti. He truly was a textbook people pleaser. 

He had intended to just get it out and tell Chris the second he greeted him at the door of his dorm but he just couldn't. He felt awful because, according to Zayn, the lad had been pining after him all semester. So, he figured he could put it off for a little while longer. 

Chris gave Harry an admittedly awkward hug and handed him an extravagant arrangement of flowers. Harry had spent quite a while working on the meal for that evening because, while he intended to break up with his not yet boyfriend, he figured they might as well have a nice last meal together. So, he made a lemon and garlic marinated fillet of fish with wild rice on the side, lit some candles and placed the flowers that Chris got him in a vase in the centre of the set table. He hoped he wasn't sending the wrong message but, what could he do? He was a hopeless romantic at heart, even if he didn't like the guy.

Harry ate mostly in silence, letting Chris ramble about his day and how much he hated their law professor. He was getting slightly nervous as he was almost done with his food and had already dragged this date out for as long as he could. It was getting to the point where Chris would probably go home soon so Harry really needed to cut the crap and break up with the guy.

“Look Chris,” Harry started, cringing slightly at the happy look on his face, “I've been thinking that maybe-”

He was cut off by a light knocking at the door.

“Don't worry, babe,” Chris got up, “I’ll get it,”

Harry couldn't see who was at the door from the table but the second he heard the distinct raspy voice he could feel that familiar flutter in his stomach. He couldn't really hear what they were talking about but by the time Harry made his way over, the door was closed swiftly once again before he could even greet his friend.

“Hey,” Harry said with a small amount of annoyance, “was he asking for me?”

“Said he had somethin’ to tell you but that he'd come back later,” Chris said with a dismissive shoulder shrug, “c'mon babe, you can finish what you were saying,”

“Did he seem okay?” Harry questioned making his way back to the table, not at all consoled by Chris' words.

Harry had been quite a bit worried about Louis recently. He didn't go out for morning runs with him at all anymore saying that school work took up all his time; though, Harry doubted that considering he was getting a drama degree. However, it was true that Zayn seemed to be constantly occupied and he was also getting an arts degree. But, Zayn still spent a large amount of his leisure time hanging out with Harry, Niall and Liam (who was a recent addition to their group). They had met him when Zayn and Niall saw him fall spectacularly off a treadmill at the gym, scraping his leg. Niall offered to fix him up at his dorm (he was a nursing student after all). It turned out he was great company and luckily Louis already knew him though they didn't seem to get on super well at first.

Harry, regrettably, hadn't seen Louis for quite a few days now as he always seemed to blow off plans with the lads. Like sure, he would go to the cinema with them but he would go out to bars anymore like he used to which Harry found incredibly concerning as Louis loved a good pint and loved footie. He was also more reserved whenever he did hang with them. He didn't talk as much as he used to and tended to stick to Niall for the most part, never getting too close to Harry, almost like he was making a conscious effort not to.

“Harry, ” he was pulled out of his thoughts by Chris waving his hand in front of his face and calling his name.

“Sorry, yeah what did you say,” Harry responded, feeling a light blush creep up his neck for getting lost in his thoughts about the blue eyed boy.

“I said he seemed fine, are _you_ okay,” Chris questioned looking at him with confusion,

“Yeah yeah,” he started, “Look Chris I need to tell you something,”

“Wait can I go first?” Chris cut him off.

“Uh, sure”

“I know we haven't been going out for very long but, I really like you and I would love it if maybe we could make it official?” Chris said with a hopeful gleam in his eyes and Harry had never felt more shit.

  
  
  


\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Since Louis came out, Niall had been trying to convince him to confess his feelings to Harry but, Louis being the coward that he was, decided that he'd just distance himself instead (easy solution right?). Coming to terms with the fact that he liked him was one thing but doing something about it was a whole other fucking ballpark.

Though it wasn't all bad as, luckily for Louis, there wasn't another incident where he was too weak to get out of bed like all those weeks ago. He'd been terrified that day and if Niall had just paid a little closer attention, he would have definitely put two and two together. So, Louis really couldn't risk it. He knew from experience that once someone finds out, everything changes and he really didn't want that. So, he decided to eat at least one thing a day even if it was just a few grapes or something to keep himself from any too major health scares. And this was ok because he was still losing weight, maybe not as quickly as he was before but, he felt more in control.

At the moment, he was lounging on the couch wallowing and not doing his English assignments (that were piling up). And Niall, bless his heart, was on the other end of the couch listening to his flatmate complain about every little inconvenience that he encountered that day. The Irish lad was almost done tying his shoes (he had a study group session in half an hour that he had to get to) when Louis started complaining about his “Harry situation”.

“I saw him leave the gym when I was walking home today,” 

“Who?” Niall asked, he hadn't really been paying attention.

“Harry. Were you even listening” Louis sighed exasperatingly, “God, you should've seen him all covered in sweat, it was like I'd died and gone to heaven. Oh the things I would do to his-”

“Alright that's enough of that,” Niall cut him off, “I don't need to know your weird fantasies, mate”

Louis frowned and they sat in silence for a moment before Niall let out a long sigh and got off the couch, reaching for his flatmate.  
  


“C’mon” he said, still holding out his arm. Louis grabbed on and let his friend help him up. Niall found it sort of worrying how easy it was to pull the small lad up but he didn't mention it.

“We going somewhere, Nialler?”

“Yep, get your shoes,”

It took Louis embarrassingly long to realize where they were headed.

“No, fuck off,” Louis said with a surprising amount of malice, even for him, as he turned around on the sidewalk, away from the building.

“Lou please,” Niall pleaded catching his flatmates shoulder, “Just give it a shot, if not for yourself then for me,”  
  


“For you?” Louis scoffed.

“Yes, for me. You inconsiderate bastard. You have no idea how taxing it is to listen to your complaining everyday,” Niall said it with a bit of humor in his tone so Louis knew he was joking, “It's taken literal years off my life,”

Louis sighed, “Fine but consider this the last nice thing I do for your Irish ass,”

“I’d expect nothing less”

Louis smiled with his friend as they made their way into the building, trying his best to hide the panic resting in his stomach. Like he'd said before, liking someone was one thing but acting on it was an entirely different situation especially for someone so freshly out of the closet (well out to himself and Niall- he wasn't even out to his mum or sisters yet). And Niall had quite the nerve bringing him to Harry's front door knowing full well that he wasn't even remotely comfortable with his sexuality.

He still cried himself to sleep some nights, pleading to God or whatever deity that would listen to just make him straight, to make things fucking simple for once in his goddamn life. To make him normal. It was bad enough that he had to deal with his eating...habits.

Before he knew it, he was stood outside of Harry's door, staring mindlessly at the stained wood

“Niall I know what I said,” he started turning to look at his flatmate only to find that Niall was nowhere to be seen, “Niall?” he called, “Fucking bastard,” he mumbled.

‘Ok you can do this Louis don't be a damn wimp come on’ he said to himself, his curled up hand raised to the door- it really should be easy to just knock and if Louis was lucky Harry wouldn't even be home.

So, mustering up all his courage, he gave the door a light knock.

The door opened to a tall man- much taller than Louis- that the small lad didn't recognize. He was giving Louis a sort of annoyed glare as if he'd interrupted something incredibly important or kicked his dog or something. If Louis wasn't already shaking with nerves he definitely was now.

“Is, uh” Louis cleared his raspy voice, “Is Harry there,”

“Yes," the man said aloofly, " we were actually having a very nice date until you interrupted," Louis already didn't like this guy. Like, christ, he'd just asked a question no need to be so rude…wait, did he say date?

“Oh, I'm uh- sorry I just,” Louis looked down, not being able to keep eye contact with the intimidating man, “I, well I didn't know Harry had a...uh.” he trailed off lamely not really knowing how to refer to the man.

“A boyfriend? Yeah well Im sure you wouldn't know, would you? It's not like I’ve ever even seen you before,” he said dismissively. Louis could feel his heart drop into his throat at the acusation. The worst part being that the man was right. He had been so absent that he didn't realize that his friend, his crush, had a boyfriend. 

“Okay, well” Louis thought for a moment. He could feel salty tears start to collect in his eyes though he tried his hardest not to let any fall. He hadn't even tried with Harry yet and somehow he'd already blown it. So, maybe he wouldn't be confessing that night but he'd come all this way, hadn't he? He might as well come out to him, he figured. “Can I just talk to Harry for a sec” 

“No,”

“No?” he said trying to keep his voice from shaking and despite his best efforts he felt a tear make its way down his cheek.

“We're having a lovely night and I don't want you to ruin it with your '' the man stopped and gestured to Louis' teary eyes “emotions. You can come back and talk to him later,” The man said looking down on the blue eyed boy and closing the door with a swift “have a good night”

So, Louis stood there, dumbfounded in front of Harry's door, not believing what had just happened. Harry had a boyfriend. A boyfriend. And he was a right fucking bastard. How could Harry be dating someone so mean. It just didn't make sense.

Before he could stop them, tears started flowing freely down his face, and he let out a pathetic whimper. He violently wiped his eyes with his sleeve and ran down the corridor. He just had to get out. Out of the building, get some fresh air.

These last few weeks had been the most stressful that Louis had felt for a long while. With his coming out, his health scare, the schoolwork that he had piling up and now his indirect rejection from Harry. It felt as though the world was against him.

And though it had been well over a year since he had done this (maybe even two), he felt such an overwhelming urge. Perhaps it was due to the stress (exam week _was_ alarmingly soon) or the fact that he'd been starving himself or maybe that he just got cast away like some piece of rubbish by Harrys fucking boyfriend but, whatever the reason, instead of making his way back home he took a detour to the nearest Tesco.

He hadn't even done anything yet and already, as he walked briskly to the bright store, he could feel that immense guilt about what he was about to do growing in his stomach. He had come to university, all the way to Manchester, to avoid this sort of thing for christ's sake. And, for the first few weeks, he was actually doing good (well still had the insecure thoughts, those never really went away). But, he was eating, he was going out to pubs with Niall, he was exercising, he was okay. And now he was a mess. Louis wasn't exactly sure if he could pinpoint where it all shifted but now, as he picked up every junk food he could find in the aisles of the store, he knew that he'd let it go too far. That all those months of recovery were basically thrown out the window.

And he was self-aware. He knew that what he was doing was bad and yet, he just couldn't stop himself and that might have been what scared him the most. He had been so determined to recover when he was with his family and somehow he'd just let himself fall. He supposed he had been in a bit of denial when it came to his problems. Like sure he'd dropped over two stone since he started university and that was bad but he'd somehow convinced himself that it wasn't _that bad_ because he was still eating something everyday (most of the time) and that made it ok. And sure, the starving was serious and yeah, even Louis could recognize that he had been in relapse for quite a while but, none of it really felt real until he was alone in his eerie dorm room shoving his fingers down the back of his throat. 

At that moment he knew it was bad. As he sat on the floor of his bathroom with his face pressed against the cool tile of the tub, he knew it was bad. He didn't want to be this way, he really didn't but he just felt so hopeless. Like he had no control in his life. He couldn't control his sexuality, that he was a freak, he couldn't even tell Harry that he liked him- the one thing he thought he had going for him. Indulging in the vicious cycle was like a compulsion and that terrified Louis.

He wanted to call his mum. She was due a phone call that day anyway but, Louis knew that if he rang her he'd break down, telling her everything and then she’d plead for him to drop out and come home. His mum never really knew much about the binging or the purging but she knew that Louis had a problem with food. She saw the way the weight dropped off him in sixth form and, after his accident, she was the one who had helped him get back up to three meals a day. He knew that if he called her she would be so incredibly disappointed in him and then she’d probably blame herself for his relapse. So he didn't. He didn't call her. And he wasn't quite sure wether he regretted that or not. He sat on the tiled floor of his bathroom for god knows how long until he mustered up the energy to collect all the rubbish wrappers and throw them away.

Niall came home late and to a scarily quiet dorm, a little disappointed that Louis wasn't in the mood to play FIFA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3 I know this chapter was a bit of a mess but I'm trying to get the narrative moving a bit faster so please bear with me


	7. Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like the others, tw for this chapter as it has talk of eating disorders.

Track: [ R.E.M. - Shiny Happy People ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYOKMUTTDdA)

To say that his Law course was now uncomfortable would truly be a gross understatement. Unfortunately for Harry, assigned seats forced him to sit beside Chris even after he’d so bluntly denied his boyfriend proposal. And while Harry felt bad for dragging it out so long, Chris was the one acting incredibly childish. He'd often talk loudly to his friends about how awful Harry was whenever he'd pass and he would spend most of class either ignoring the curly haired boy or glaring at him. Harry supposed he had really dodged a bullet by breaking it off with him. Though it wasn't all bad, as with exam weeks coming up he was hopeful that they'd have different seats in the coming semester.

At the moment, Harry was on his way to Niall and Louis’ place as the small boy never did come back to his door to tell him whatever he had tried to days before. It wasn't that Harry hadn't tried to talk to him since then, it was that Louis had not let him. Every-time the boy approached him he would turn in the other direction. Whenever they hung out with the lads, Louis made it a point to completely ignore Harry - more so than he already did. Harry was sick of it. So he decided to just go to his flat instead.

It was a very nice day out though quite cold. The snow on the ground beautifully contrasted the warm sun shining in the sky and Harry knew that it was a good day, he could feel it in his bones. There were multicoloured Christmas lights strung up on the dorm buildings and twirled around the lampposts. And, as the sidewalks were salted, Harry didn't have to worry about slipping on some snow or ice and rupturing his spine. A truly wonderful day that was only going to get better as he was going to see his lovely crush.

As he made his way up the staircase, it occurred to him that he hadn't actually called Niall prior to his visit so he didn't even know if Louis was home. Though, as it was an early Saturday afternoon, he figured the chances were that he was, probably playing some video game, that Harry didn’t understand. When he made it to the familiar hallway, he knocked a few times on the wooden door and waited for it to be answered. 

After a few minutes of waiting, Harry feared that perhaps they weren't home but, just as he was about to turn away, the door was pulled open by a _very_ tired looking Louis. The lad had dark bags around his eyes that made his skin look almost bruised and his hair was in such a state that it looked like he'd just woken up. He was wearing an oversized champion jumper and some trackies and Harry thought he looked so cuddly and small, drowning in his clothes. 

“Oh,” Louis said surprised, “I, uh didn't know you were coming,”

“Well surprise, i'm here, ” Harry said with a smile.

“Niall’s not home if your wondering,”

“Well, it's a good thing it isn't him I want to talk to then, innit?”

They stood awkwardly in the doorway for a moment, Louis looking deep in thought, until Harry spoke up, “so you gonna let me in or what?’

“Right yea, uh sorry come in,” Louis stepped aside letting the curly haired lad into his dorm.

“So if not to talk to Niall, why are you here?”

“To talk to you, silly”

“Right...”

“You came over the other day, yeah? Chris said you had something you wanted to tell me.”

Chris. Louis thought, that must be the boyfriend, “Yea, I uh” Louis cleared his throat, “I did...You might wanna sit down for this one,”

“You're scaring me a bit, mate,” Harry let out a strained chuckle but sat down on the couch nonetheless.

Louis stayed standing and paced a bit, back and forth in front of the coffee table. If Harry wasn't already worried about the boy, he definitely was now. Suddenly, Louis stopped pacing and sat himself down beside his friend.

“Look I- uh,” Louis cleared his throat again not looking at harry but instead at his own hands clasped in his lap, “I’m queer, I think...well no, I know I am. Not really sure if gay would be a better word but I suppose thats what I am” 

Harry could feel his heart skip at Louis confession but he tried to seem nonchalant as he responded, “That's great, Louis,” Harry said trying to squash the bubbling excitement in his chest-this was Louis moment- he turned to look at the beautiful boy beside him “If you want to identify as queer thats okay, just use whatever feels comfortable. And I'm honored that you told me,”

“Yea well, haven't even told me parents yet so I guess you should feel honored,” Louis let out a dry laugh, “ besides Niall’d have me head if I didn't tell you,” he laughed again, this time louder. Harry chuckled with him but then slowed as he realized the implication of those words.

“Lou, why would Niall want you to tell me,” 

Louis took a sharp breath. He kept a stone face though harry could see the blush rising to his cheeks and the way he swallowed nervously, his adam's apple bobbing, “I- no reason,”

“Do you” Harry started, not doing anything to cut the tension in the room, his face reddening, “Do you have a crush on me Lou?” 

As Louis stayed quiet, Harry couldn't contain his joy. His face lit up and he let out an exhilarated breath. He was going to tell Louis that he liked him regardless but the fact that he's not only not straight but liked Harry back was something short of a miracle. But as Louis turned to look at him with tears flooding his eyes and a pained look on his face, Harry felt awful for making this about himself.

“What the fuck are you smiling for,” Louis said softly, pain in his voce, “You’re taking the piss yea, think its fucking funny? Poor Louis, gone for his friend who already has a boyfriend, bloody pathetic, innit?”

“No Lou-” Harry tried.

“Please Haz just- Just leave me alone” Louis interrupted.

“But I-”

“Harry!” Louis snapped with a finality in his voice. Getting up and walking to his room, “Just go,”

“No,” The taller lad said catching Louis hand in his own as he walked away, “I feel the same,”

“That's not funny, Harry,”

“Do you see me fucking laughing?” Harry said, staring into his friends bright blue eyes as if he were trying to convey his feelings through his own. “I feel the same,” Louis looked away and Harry reached out, gently touching his chin, turning his face towards him.

“You have a boyfriend,” Louis said quietly- almost pathetically and Harry decided that he hated this shy Louis and wanted his firecracker back.

“I don't,”

“Yes you do.” Louis shaked himself from Harry's hold, “I saw him the other day, that Chris chap,”

“Chris is not my boyfriend,” Louis didn't look at him, “Please Lou, I'm telling the truth we just went on a couple dates that's all and I broke it off with him anyways. He's not my boyfriend.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Their eyes were still locked together, neither moving, frozen in the moment, you could cut the tension in the room with a knife, and Harry felt his heart skip a beat as he picked up what Louis whispered, 

“Can I kiss you, Haz?”

Harry couldn't believe it. It really was a good day

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After that Harry and Louis were inseparable, well mostly. Of course, Louis still found the time to indulge in his disorder. And it really wasn't that difficult to. He would do it about three times a week or more if he was particularly stressed- which of course he was as finals were soon. 

He didn't really mean for it to become a habit again but after that first night, about two weeks ago now, it sort of became a thing. If Louis was feeling overly stressed he would stuff himself and then painfully throw it up. He would wake up, not have breakfast, go to class, spend a few hours with Harry at the cafe, eat something small, go to another class, walk Harry home, binge while Niall was in the library, purge, study for finals and play FIFA with his flatmate- once he got home. The thing was that Louis wasn’t in denial; he was well aware that he had a problem, a serious one at that. And it was hurting his body immensely. His throat felt constantly sore and his voice always came out rough when he spoke, luckily no one had pointed it out. He knew how these things would go if he continued doing what he was doing. It would kill him and somehow knowing that wasn't enough to make him stop and that was almost the scariest part.

His weight also seemed to hit a plateau and that annoyed Louis a bit as he couldn't get that rush from seeing the numbers on the scale drop. According to his bmi he was severely underweight but he still wasn't at his past lowest. Of course no one noticed his weight loss either as it was winter and he would wear many layers to conceal it. See Louis didn't really care much about the way his weight made him look, sure he had his insecurities but most of them were about his height or sexuality. Even when he was in recovery, Louis didn't mind the extra weight too much though he felt out of control and uncomfortable at times. Just, being able to manage his intake made him feel in control of himself and especially being able to see the effects of what he was doing gave him a thrill- like a weird satisfaction. But, he knew he was thin and if anyone saw him topless they would know that something was wrong. That's why he and Harry hadn't done anything past kiss. Though, they'd only been together a few weeks so it was easy for Louis to just say he wanted to take it slow and luckily Harry did too.

It was Friday, exams started Monday, and Louis was in disarray. He had been, admittedly, slacking most of the semester and now he had so much information to learn in a couple days. He was sat at the kitchen table trying to understand Shakespeare's Othello when he got a call. Caller Id said it was Harry so he picked up and in his peppiest voice said, “Hey babe,”

“Lou, are you at your dorm” Louis let out an affirmative sound, “good, good i'm coming over...Is that okay?”

“Course Haz, I'll be waiting ” they hung up after saying their goodbyes and Louis decided to go change so Harry wouldn't see him in his food-stained Pink Floyd shirt. He put on an undershirt and a long sleeve shirt and a soft blue jumper over it. Just as he pulled the jumper over his head he heard the tell-tale knock.

“Haz” he said fondly, opening the door for his boyfriend. Harry had the cutest pink nose from the cold- Louis wanted to kiss it- and his hair was dusted with sparkling white snow.

“Lou,” Harry said, enveloping Louis in a tight hug after pulling his snow-covered jacket off.

“So” he prompted, still in Harry's arms.

“So?” Harry asked, letting Louis go and guiding him to the couch, “Oh right I have something to ask you, baby,”

“That you do” Louis said, loving the way his stomach fluttered whenever the other boy called him that.

“I wanted to know if you would come home with me,” the curly haired lad said with a joyful look in his eyes, “For Christmas, “ he continued, “meet my family,”

Louis didn't know how to respond to that. He was honestly in shock that Harry would even like him enough to let him meet his family. 

When Louis didn’t respond Harry added, “I know it's soon but we've known each other four months now even though we've only been dating a few weeks and I just- well I think my mom would love you and my sister you know she's a bit of a Nosey Nancy so she already knows quite a lot about you but still. Oh and-,”

“I would love to,” Louis said, cutting off his boyfriends rambles, “I’d love to Haz,”

“Oh, thank you, baby,” Harry pulled Louis in for a chaste kiss, his hands on Louis' cheeks. As they pulled apart they stayed in that position, Harry enveloping Louis' face and Louis' hands resting on the other lad's waist.

As Louis stared into his boyfriend's eyes it occurred to him that if he went home with Harry then he wouldn't be able go to Doncaster, “Wait,” he said,

“Yea Lou?” the other boy said, a confused but patient look in his eyes.

“I've never not been home for Christmas or me birthday,” Louis mentioned, “I'll have to tell me mum about you”

“Oh” Harry responded, looking deep in thought, “well, you could tell her that you're going on a trip with some friends,” he tried.

“No, no it's okay. I want to tell her about you,” he said, grabbing Harry's hands, “about us. I'll have to eventually anyway,”

“Really?” He said with some disbelief, “thank you, Lou,”

“Don't thank me, baby, It's been hard keeping you from her these past weeks anyway. She keeps asking what it is that's making me so happy lately,”

Harry smiled widely at that and pulled Louis in for another kiss. This time they snogged lazily for a while. Louis wasn't sure how much time had passed but he didn't really care. The feeling of Harry's soft lips on his grounded him and made him feel like he was on fire- in a good way- all at once. The lazy kiss soon turned heated as Harry moved his hands from Louis' face down to his torso. He hooked one of his legs over Louis' body and sat himself in the other boys lap, without breaking the kiss.

Louis’s hands left their position cupping Harry's jaw, ran up his strong thighs and rested on the small of his back. The only thing better than holding the boy's face in his hands was having a lapful of Harry. His skin was warm and smooth and he loved the shiver Harry let out as he ran his cold hands up his spine. Harry licked into his mouth and Louis could feel himself getting hot all over from the kiss. 

Louis didn't know why but he was feeling bold so, he lowered his hands into the waistband of Harry's trousers, reveling in the way the other groaned slightly from the action. 

“Is this okay?” He asked the lovely boy above him, now that they weren't kissing he could see the his flushed cheeks and wet, red lips and Louis had never felt more attracted to another person before.

“Yeah Lou, it's good,” Harry responded, panting a bit and quickly pulling Louis back into the kiss. His fingers got caught in the others long-ish hair tugging lightly, in a way that just amplified the arousal Louis was feeling.

It was addicting, the sensation of Harry letting out soft breaths into Louis' mouth every time he squeezed his arse. He could feel himself growing hard and could feel Harry's own hard on pressing against his stomach. They had never gone this far and Louis wasn't sure if he was angry or relieved when Niall busted through the door, forcing Harry to detach himself from his boyfriend.

“Don't look Liam!” Louis could hear Niall say, faux shock in his voice, “They're shagging on the couch oh, my poor innocent eyes,”

“Come off it Neil,” Louis said, helping Harry- whose lips and cheeks were still beautifully flushed- off his lap, “I'm sure Liams seen worse,”

“Oh you'd be surprised at some of the shit i've seen,” Liam piped up, taking his coat off and hanging it up. It was a well known fact that Liams roommate, Nick, was a bit of an exhibitionist.

“Not sure I wanna know, mate,” Louis chuckled, “here come over let's play, yeah. I’ll setup the xbox,”

And so that's how he spent the rest of his Friday, playing an intense game of FIFA with his mates and with his arm around his hot as fuck boyfriend. Now, the main thing plaguing his mind was how he was going to tell his mom about said boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> If there are any grammar mistakes or if you have any feedback please feel free to comment <3


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